Okay, time for some real talk.
I used to be that girl.
You know, the one who pretends to have it all figured out, with a cheeky smile, fit butt and hot men. Like every girl, I talked and laughed with my friends about last night’s “mind-blowing” hookup, tossing out phrases like “he made me a waterfall” and “I couldn’t even walk this morning.”
Total legend. Total lie. The truth? I was faking it. Every. Damn. Time.
Not because the guys were bad (well… some of them). Some were sweet. A few even made the effort. One guy even asked questions like he was taking notes for his thesis or something. But that earth-shattering, legs-shaking, soundless gasp of pleasure of an orgasm? The kind that makes you forget your own name? Yeah, I’d wish I knew what that was. A fairy tale, something that happened to luckier girls.
At first, I figured something was wrong with me. Maybe I was broken, too “in my head,” too stressed, too tired. Maybe my connection with the guy just wasn’t strong enough. So I did what I thought was best: I faked it.
If I were honest, I deserve an Oscar nomination. I performed the Greatest Hits of Moaning: The gasps, the whispers, I even added an occasional shaky leg for realism. And it worked. He smiled, I smiled. But inside I felt like a fraud, I felt like a bad person, I felt…lonely.
Of course I wanted to feel that thing. The thing women gossiped about in locker rooms. But I started to believe it was a porn industry invention
Enter Mila.
Mila is my best friend. She’s fierce, funny, and low-key terrifying in the best way. She’s also the girl who always has something up her sleeve, be it a killer red lipstick, a needed condom or a secret spot no one else knows about.
One Friday night, after a few too many margaritas and me oversharing about another mediocre night with Peter (my situationship guy), she slid something across the table at me.
A piece of chocolate. There it was, wrapped in this sleek, gold foil that screamed “I’m expensive and mysterious.”
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Kums,” she said, like everybody knew it. “You eat this. Tonight.”
I snorted. “What is this? Pinterest aphrodisiac energy bites?”
She just said, “It’s just chocolate for couples.You’ll thank me later”.
Couple chocolate? Is that even a thing?
Mila is always full of dangerous surprises, but it was chocolate. So I ate it.
At first? Nothing. Just regular chocolate. But about twenty minutes later, something… changed.
It wasn’t crazy, not at first. Just this slow warmth, like someone lit a candle right in my belly. My skin started tingling. Not in a weird way, but a satisfying way. The air on my neck felt like fingers. Even my lips felt thicker.
I was breathing deeper, slower, like I was settling into some kind of nirvana state I didn’t even know about.
Placebo? Maybe. And then Peter showed up.
That’s when things got interesting.
Usually, when Ben kissed me, I’d already be writing my to-do list in my head. But this time felt different. When his hand brushed my hip, it was like a switch flipped. I wanted, I craved. I felt like an animal ready to devour everything.
I dragged him to the couch, straddled him like I’d just returned from war, and whispered, “Bedroom. Now.” He didn’t argue (how could he?).
What followed wasn’t just sex. It was an experience, like my body finally woke up from a really long nap. Every touch sent these deep, rolling waves through me; every stroke felt like a dessert only Gods can taste. I wasn’t thinking, I was feeling…and it felt so good.
And then it happened. Not a slow burn. This was a full-on explosion. I came so hard I forgot what planet I was on. And afterward? I laughed, like someone just told me the best joke ever. I cried a little, too. No regrets. And Peter was a happy man.
“What the hell was in that chocolate?” I asked Mila the next day.
She grinned like the cat who got the cream. “It’s called Kums for a reason.” I did some digging, and it turns out they put in these tabs chocolate for couples some ancient aphrodisiacs from around the world. Something called Maca Root, Horny Goat Weed, Longjack, L-Arginine and Ashwagandha.
And Kums puts all that in chocolate?
Ever since that splendid night, I keep a stash next to my bed. Sometimes I eat one before a date, sometimes with a date. Although it’s a couples chocolate, sometimes solo (because why should I miss out?)
Every time, it’s like someone flipped a switch. I’m so glad that I don’t have to pretend anymore. And sex has never been better.
Why am I telling you this?
Because maybe you’re her. The one who smiles and fakes it, who’s been waiting for something to click. And you deserve more.
So stop waiting, stop faking. Start feeling.
This Kums couple chocolate romance is something else. So let’s keep kumming!